Make the light out or What
my Pennsylvania Dutch mother taught me about daily living.
Inside
cover
She
does not take a step, which does not educate herself, her husband, or
others. So surely as she lifts a finger, or utters a word, or gives
a direction, or casts an approving or disapproving look, that
modifies the feelings, or the conduct, or the health, of those around
her, so surely does she become their educator- the former of their
character for time and eternity.
William
Alcott-1837
“About
a Mother”
Introduction
The
quote from William Alcott on the previous page is a description of a
wife and mother in 1837. She was clearly a dignified, beautiful,
educated and well respected woman. Her family looked to her for
education, health concerns, and solace in difficult times. She was
the example from which her children and those around her learned
their life skills, virtues, respect, and how to make it on their own
in the world. The home she ran was the center of the universe and a
place where the family could find happiness and rest in a difficult
tumultuous world.
I
am quite sure she walked with her head held high and her shoulders
back even during the hardest of times. She knew that she held the
most important job in the world on her shoulders but she was
confident and happy in the role.
This
is a perfect description of my mother, a stalwart, confident
Pennsylvania Dutch woman who ran her home with love and an iron fist.
She was a patient, nurturing educator that taught me the love of
life and the little daily joys that make life worth living. In this
small book I hope to pass on some of her timeless wisdom.
Introduction
I
grew up in a Pennsylvania Dutch home in a small coal mining town in
the 50’s. My mother spoke the Pa Dutch dialect to almost everyone
else except me. I am convinced to this day she did it for the sole
purpose of being able to talk about me in plain sight without me
never knowing about it.
My
mother was a small, robust lady with auburn hair and the
determination of 20 men. She grew up in impoverished circumstances
in the 20’s after her mother died when she was only a few years
old. Her father gave her to relatives to raise and she spent most of
her childhood working around the house to pay for her food and
lodging. She only went to
the
8th
grade in school but was a voracious reader. She lived to sew, quilt,
and garden, all self taught interests.
She
had the ability to tough it through difficult situations and made the
best of bad times. Her ability to make everything happy and
beautiful affected her children and everyone who knew her. My father
died when I was 9 of an unexpected illness. Though she was
devastated, she pushed on into the future fearlessly. Although she
and I had to make it on our own I never once felt worried or scared
about our future. Our home remained the beautiful, simple stable
refuge it had always been.
There
are so many things that I learned from this wonderful woman that I
could not begin to compile them all in one place. In this book is a
short list of those things I learned from her that are rapidly
becoming lost principles in modern society. Many of these simple
ideas can be used to transform a home onto a wonderful refuge and
make life simpler and more enjoyable for the whole family.
As
I carry these lessons with me in my heart and they have made my life
a joy, I hope future generations will take these ideas to make their
lives and the world a better place and eventually better communities.
After all change starts with little things.
Thanks
for reading and don’t forget to outen the lights before you go to
bed.
Humble
Beginnings
Poverty
does not mean loss of dignity. I was 9 years old when my father died
at the age of 54 unexpectedly. He was diagnosed with cancer and was
gone 3 months later. My mom had been a housewife up until then, and
lived a comfortable life although our home was what was called a
‘half of a house” (a coal mining town row house) and we lived in
a relatively poor coal mining community.
The
money in the bank was enough for funeral services for my dad and then
we had to find out ways to make ends meet. My mom had to learn how
to drive a car, write a check, handle financial affairs, and find a
job. With the help of social security and an income from clothing
alterations and sewing, we made ends meet. Eventually mom worked in
a clothing factory in, what I was to later find out, deplorable
conditions, and made enough money to have necessary home renovations
done. Even then she only worked temporarily and was always home when
the school bus arrived. At best we were always just barely scraping
by.
During
all this trouble and financial turmoil I never once felt
impoverished. If anything I felt blessed to have such a wonderful
home and mother. I never felt out of place at school or in my
neighborhood and we always had the best meals in town. Our dignity
and lifestyle was intact, largely due to my mother’s ability to be
creative, work hard and enjoy the little things in life.
In
today’s world poverty is a disease that carries with it an attitude
and stigma. If you are poor it is ok to dress poorly and eat junk
food from the dollar store shelves. I have seen the total lack of
dignity and pride that exists in the faces of families just barely
keeping their heads above water. There are way too many of these
families today but there are ways to combat the feelings of remorse
and raise the spirits of a downtrodden life.
1
Keep a clean and orderly home.
2
Plant flowers and vegetables in your yard, patio, or on your deck.
3
Dress nice every day in clean well-fitting clothes. Get a cheap
sewing machine and ask someone to teach you how to make simple
clothes. Skirts are really easy-2 seams and an elastic at the top.
Ask for fabric on free cycle.
4
Go to free giveaways-ask for help and accept it.
5
Learn to cook simple and healthy meals from scratch.
6
Buy scratch and dent food and fruits-farmers will discount damaged
fruits-dented cans are cheaper.
7
Be proud of what you have and show it-put flowers in your porch-cheap
silk ones if necessary.
8
Spruce the place up a little bit-have the kids help-Ask for free
paint in free cycle or craig’s list. Paint some old chairs found
by the road for your kitchen. Spruce up the outside of your home.
9
Take advantage of all the free stuff in your community, especially
the library.
10
Go on regular trips to do free stuff, state parks, local festivals
and farms, parades.
11
Make meals a special occasion by having a picnic or going to the ice
cream drive in for dessert.
12
Use the internet at the library to get free ideas for home crafts.
13
If your child wants a special item from the store, teach them to make
one like it from themselves. They will appreciate it more and
cherish it longer.
14
Get involved in a community church and their activities for children
and youth. Participate in a church program to give back to the
community. Giving to others in need instills a feeling of dignity.
15
Ask for help. Everyone needs help sometimes.
16
Keep an orderly daily schedule in your home and be there for the
children when they get home from school.
17
Do not buy things that are not necessities. Sell things in closets
that are never used and keep the money set aside for special times
like a birthday party.
18
Give your children the girt of time and your deep attention instead
of “stuff.”
19
Free things are the best things. Comfort, kindness, beauty, nature,
a smile for everyone.
20
Dignity is free. Hold your head up and your back straight and be
gracious to everyone.
Home
chores are everyone’s responsibility
Teaching
children basic home keeping skills is one of the greatest gifts you
can give your children. When they grow older and have a family they
will have every confidence in themselves concerning caring for it and
the physical structure they live in.
My
mother made sure I had the ability to undertake the care of a home
when I was ready to do so. She taught me in a way that made me enjoy
the tasks that had to be done, and to this day I am happy to scrub
the floor, wash the dishes, and clean the windows. I was also taught
that pride in the home was a way to show your family and loved ones
how much you cared about them. It was also a way to show respect for
your neighbors since it was much more pleasant to look out your
window and see pretty flowers rather than a rusty old fence or trash
in the neighbors backyard. My mother was proud of her home and loved
to have people over to show it off. Her collection of African
violets was especially important to her. We lived very modestly,
indeed at poverty level, since my father died when I was young and we
had her small income. The lack of money was not a deterrent to
having a lovely home since most of the things that make it lovely
such as a manicured garden, a clean swept porch, potted plants, and a
gracious host are practically free. Lack of money was never and
excuse for a dirty home around my mother.
My
first recollection of learning home keeping skills was of cleaning up
my room and keeping my closet neat and tidy. I learned that having a
clean room and not throwing clothes on the floor shows respect for
yourself and the rest of the family. It is also nice when a friend
comes over and you can play in your room. I learned that my toys had
to be taken care of and put away, or they would be taken from me. I
got to help out in the kitchen at a very young age. I learned that
all the cooking and baking my mother did was a gesture of love and an
attempt at stretching the food budget from month to month. I learned
to love digging in the dirt in the back yard. I got to plant seeds,
watch them grow, and then eat the fruits of my labors. To this day
digging in the ground is one of my favorite things to do.
Saturday
mornings were cartoons and then chores. No matter what my plans were
I could not leave the house to play or get out my toys until the
chores were done. The chores got longer and harder as I grew older
and admittedly at times were difficult, but I have happy memories of
those Saturday mornings spent sprucing up our little home. My chores
varied from week to week and month to month and so I never got bored.
Over time I learned the ins and outs of every little thing that was
important to home keeping. I am so grateful I had these lessons as
they served me well later in life.
Some
examples of my Saturday morning chores are:
1.Sweeping
off the back porch and sidewalks.
2.Watering
the garden and flowers with a watering can.
3.Picking
whatever vegetables were ripe in the garden.
4.Wiping
down the dirty entrance doors or windows.
5.Hanging
up clothes from the laundry or folding clothes.
6.Dusting
tabletops.
7.Getting
out dishes and setting a proper table for lunch.
8.Wiping
down the bathroom sink and shower.
9.Vacuuming
one room, including the upholstered furniture and drapes.
10.Taking
books off a shelf, dusting them and putting them back.
For
older children- They should have the responsibility of taking care of
cleaning an area in the house such as the living room or bathroom.
Reading
changes lives
The
first book I ever read was “The Little House.” It’s the story
of a little cottage in the country that eventually gets surrounded by
skyscrapers and then boarded up and abandoned. Someone comes along
and feels bad for the little house and puts it on the back of the
truck and drives it back out into the country and fixes it all up
again so it can go on housing a happy family.
I
remember paging through that book over and over and looking at the
pictures. The story has fed my imagination and my love for homes and
cottages to this day. I still have a desire to rescue on of those
little abandoned cottages.
My
parents understood the need for books and the ability to read and
instilled it deep within me. Neither of my parents made it past the
9th
grade because they had family obligations. My mother and father
married at 18. They were both self taught in their professions, my
father as an auto mechanic and my mother as a seamstress. Our house
and attic was littered with books of all kinds, including mysteries,
encyclopedias, text books, large picture books and magazines. We got
the Grit magazine once a month and the daily newspaper and we had a
subscription to the workbasket, and sewing and craft magazine.
My
mom told me a story about her childhood that touches me deeply. She
was not raised by her parents, but by a cousin who was very strict
with her. My grandmother died young and so the children went to
relatives. My mom was not allowed to read, except for the bible.
She had to leave any schoolbooks at school and was not encouraged to
learn or study. Eventually she figured out how to sneak books home
and after everyone was asleep she would take a lamp and crawl under
her bed so no one would see the light. The she would read until
dawn. This was one of her greatest joys as a child and it fueled her
love of all things Victorian and gothic romantic, mystery. She
shared this with me as I got older and I too became a fan.
She
learned at a young age the secret of a book. You can go anywhere and
do anything in a book. You can also give yourself a lifelong
education and keep a reference library for things like natural
healing and herbs.
There
seems to be a distinct lack of interest in reading these days.
There are too many tv and computer screens and various other gadgets
that take up time and thought. But being able to read well is
essential to having a fulfilling and interesting life.
There
are many ways to incorporate reading into daily life. Here are a few
ideas.
1.Read
every night in bed before going to sleep.
2.Read
out loud to your children every night before bed.
3.Turn
off the tv and read books. Limit computer and tv time to a couple
hours a day.
4.Join
the library summer reading program.
5.Make
weekly trips to the library for books.
6.Home
school your children and choose what you want them to read.
7.Watch
a movie, then read the book and discuss it.
Reading
1.Start
a local neighborhood lending library.
2.Start
a local book club at your house.
3.Dedicate
one room in your house that you rarely use like the attic, to
becoming a library and fill it with interesting books from freecyle,
yard sales and library book sales.
4.During
holidays read out loud and share holiday stories make it a daily part
of the annual tradition or sit in groups around a fake fireplace and
sip hot chocolate or cider.
5.Pick
seasonal themes and get books on that subject from the library. For
example in spring study butterflies and flowers. The internet is
full of home study programs. Stick with something simple.
6.Then
take a picnic field trip and study those butterflies.
7.Make
books the gift of choice for special occasions like birthday.
Start
book traditions with your children.
1.Every
evening in December read a Christmas storybook aloud.
2.Wrap
up books for advent celebration gifts.
3.Give
books for Easter.
4.Join
a child’s book club so new books come in the mail. Dolly Parton
has a free book club for small children
5.Have
a quiet reading time every evening before bed.
6.Read
children’s mysteries and make them into a play to act out on a home
made stage.
