Memories of Susan

It's been a year and nine months since Susan's death.  I thought that I would come back to her blog and post some content from a book she wrote called Life Lessons From The Pennsylvania Dutch.

Make the light out or What my Pennsylvania Dutch mother taught me about daily living.

Inside cover

She does not take a step, which does not educate herself, her husband, or others. So surely as she lifts a finger, or utters a word, or gives a direction, or casts an approving or disapproving look, that modifies the feelings, or the conduct, or the health, of those around her, so surely does she become their educator- the former of their character for time and eternity.

William Alcott-1837

“About a Mother”

Introduction

The quote from William Alcott on the previous page is a description of a wife and mother in 1837. She was clearly a dignified, beautiful, educated and well respected woman. Her family looked to her for education, health concerns, and solace in difficult times. She was the example from which her children and those around her learned their life skills, virtues, respect, and how to make it on their own in the world. The home she ran was the center of the universe and a place where the family could find happiness and rest in a difficult tumultuous world.

I am quite sure she walked with her head held high and her shoulders back even during the hardest of times. She knew that she held the most important job in the world on her shoulders but she was confident and happy in the role.

This is a perfect description of my mother, a stalwart, confident Pennsylvania Dutch woman who ran her home with love and an iron fist. She was a patient, nurturing educator that taught me the love of life and the little daily joys that make life worth living. In this small book I hope to pass on some of her timeless wisdom.

Introduction

I grew up in a Pennsylvania Dutch home in a small coal mining town in the 50’s. My mother spoke the Pa Dutch dialect to almost everyone else except me. I am convinced to this day she did it for the sole purpose of being able to talk about me in plain sight without me never knowing about it.

My mother was a small, robust lady with auburn hair and the determination of 20 men. She grew up in impoverished circumstances in the 20’s after her mother died when she was only a few years old. Her father gave her to relatives to raise and she spent most of her childhood working around the house to pay for her food and lodging. She only went to

the 8^th grade in school but was a voracious reader. She lived to sew, quilt, and garden, all self taught interests.

She had the ability to tough it through difficult situations and made the best of bad times. Her ability to make everything happy and beautiful affected her children and everyone who knew her. My father died when I was 9 of an unexpected illness. Though she was devastated, she pushed on into the future fearlessly. Although she and I had to make it on our own I never once felt worried or scared about our future. Our home remained the beautiful, simple stable refuge it had always been.

There are so many things that I learned from this wonderful woman that I could not begin to compile them all in one place. In this book is a short list of those things I learned from her that are rapidly becoming lost principles in modern society. Many of these simple ideas can be used to transform a home onto a wonderful refuge and make life simpler and more enjoyable for the whole family.

As I carry these lessons with me in my heart and they have made my life a joy, I hope future generations will take these ideas to make their lives and the world a better place and eventually better communities. After all change starts with little things.

Thanks for reading and don’t forget to outen the lights before you go to bed.

Humble Beginnings

Poverty does not mean loss of dignity. I was 9 years old when my father died at the age of 54 unexpectedly. He was diagnosed with cancer and was gone 3 months later. My mom had been a housewife up until then, and lived a comfortable life although our home was what was called a ‘half of a house” (a coal mining town row house) and we lived in a relatively poor coal mining community.

The money in the bank was enough for funeral services for my dad and then we had to find out ways to make ends meet. My mom had to learn how to drive a car, write a check, handle financial affairs, and find a job. With the help of social security and an income from clothing alterations and sewing, we made ends meet. Eventually mom worked in a clothing factory in, what I was to later find out, deplorable conditions, and made enough money to have necessary home renovations done. Even then she only worked temporarily and was always home when the school bus arrived. At best we were always just barely scraping by.

During all this trouble and financial turmoil I never once felt impoverished. If anything I felt blessed to have such a wonderful home and mother. I never felt out of place at school or in my neighborhood and we always had the best meals in town. Our dignity and lifestyle was intact, largely due to my mother’s ability to be creative, work hard and enjoy the little things in life.

In today’s world poverty is a disease that carries with it an attitude and stigma. If you are poor it is ok to dress poorly and eat junk food from the dollar store shelves. I have seen the total lack of dignity and pride that exists in the faces of families just barely keeping their heads above water. There are way too many of these families today but there are ways to combat the feelings of remorse and raise the spirits of a downtrodden life.

1 Keep a clean and orderly home.

2 Plant flowers and vegetables in your yard, patio, or on your deck.

3 Dress nice every day in clean well-fitting clothes. Get a cheap sewing machine and ask someone to teach you how to make simple clothes. Skirts are really easy-2 seams and an elastic at the top. Ask for fabric on free cycle.

4 Go to free giveaways-ask for help and accept it.

5 Learn to cook simple and healthy meals from scratch.

6 Buy scratch and dent food and fruits-farmers will discount damaged fruits-dented cans are cheaper.

7 Be proud of what you have and show it-put flowers in your porch-cheap silk ones if necessary.

8 Spruce the place up a little bit-have the kids help-Ask for free paint in free cycle or craig’s list. Paint some old chairs found by the road for your kitchen. Spruce up the outside of your home.

9 Take advantage of all the free stuff in your community, especially the library.

10 Go on regular trips to do free stuff, state parks, local festivals and farms, parades.

11 Make meals a special occasion by having a picnic or going to the ice cream drive in for dessert.

12 Use the internet at the library to get free ideas for home crafts.

13 If your child wants a special item from the store, teach them to make one like it from themselves. They will appreciate it more and cherish it longer.

14 Get involved in a community church and their activities for children and youth. Participate in a church program to give back to the community. Giving to others in need instills a feeling of dignity.

15 Ask for help. Everyone needs help sometimes.

16 Keep an orderly daily schedule in your home and be there for the children when they get home from school.

17 Do not buy things that are not necessities. Sell things in closets that are never used and keep the money set aside for special times like a birthday party.

18 Give your children the girt of time and your deep attention instead of “stuff.”

19 Free things are the best things. Comfort, kindness, beauty, nature, a smile for everyone.

20 Dignity is free. Hold your head up and your back straight and be gracious to everyone.

Home chores are everyone’s responsibility

Teaching children basic home keeping skills is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. When they grow older and have a family they will have every confidence in themselves concerning caring for it and the physical structure they live in.

My mother made sure I had the ability to undertake the care of a home when I was ready to do so. She taught me in a way that made me enjoy the tasks that had to be done, and to this day I am happy to scrub the floor, wash the dishes, and clean the windows. I was also taught that pride in the home was a way to show your family and loved ones how much you cared about them. It was also a way to show respect for your neighbors since it was much more pleasant to look out your window and see pretty flowers rather than a rusty old fence or trash in the neighbors backyard. My mother was proud of her home and loved to have people over to show it off. Her collection of African violets was especially important to her. We lived very modestly, indeed at poverty level, since my father died when I was young and we had her small income. The lack of money was not a deterrent to having a lovely home since most of the things that make it lovely such as a manicured garden, a clean swept porch, potted plants, and a gracious host are practically free. Lack of money was never and excuse for a dirty home around my mother.

My first recollection of learning home keeping skills was of cleaning up my room and keeping my closet neat and tidy. I learned that having a clean room and not throwing clothes on the floor shows respect for yourself and the rest of the family. It is also nice when a friend comes over and you can play in your room. I learned that my toys had to be taken care of and put away, or they would be taken from me. I got to help out in the kitchen at a very young age. I learned that all the cooking and baking my mother did was a gesture of love and an attempt at stretching the food budget from month to month. I learned to love digging in the dirt in the back yard. I got to plant seeds, watch them grow, and then eat the fruits of my labors. To this day digging in the ground is one of my favorite things to do.

Saturday mornings were cartoons and then chores. No matter what my plans were I could not leave the house to play or get out my toys until the chores were done. The chores got longer and harder as I grew older and admittedly at times were difficult, but I have happy memories of those Saturday mornings spent sprucing up our little home. My chores varied from week to week and month to month and so I never got bored. Over time I learned the ins and outs of every little thing that was important to home keeping. I am so grateful I had these lessons as they served me well later in life.

Some examples of my Saturday morning chores are:

1.Sweeping off the back porch and sidewalks.

2.Watering the garden and flowers with a watering can.

3.Picking whatever vegetables were ripe in the garden.

4.Wiping down the dirty entrance doors or windows.

5.Hanging up clothes from the laundry or folding clothes.

6.Dusting tabletops.

7.Getting out dishes and setting a proper table for lunch.

8.Wiping down the bathroom sink and shower.

9.Vacuuming one room, including the upholstered furniture and drapes.

10.Taking books off a shelf, dusting them and putting them back.

For older children- They should have the responsibility of taking care of cleaning an area in the house such as the living room or bathroom.

Reading changes lives

The first book I ever read was “The Little House.” It’s the story of a little cottage in the country that eventually gets surrounded by skyscrapers and then boarded up and abandoned. Someone comes along and feels bad for the little house and puts it on the back of the truck and drives it back out into the country and fixes it all up again so it can go on housing a happy family.

I remember paging through that book over and over and looking at the pictures. The story has fed my imagination and my love for homes and cottages to this day. I still have a desire to rescue on of those little abandoned cottages.

My parents understood the need for books and the ability to read and instilled it deep within me. Neither of my parents made it past the 9^th grade because they had family obligations. My mother and father married at 18. They were both self taught in their professions, my father as an auto mechanic and my mother as a seamstress. Our house and attic was littered with books of all kinds, including mysteries, encyclopedias, text books, large picture books and magazines. We got the Grit magazine once a month and the daily newspaper and we had a subscription to the workbasket, and sewing and craft magazine.

My mom told me a story about her childhood that touches me deeply. She was not raised by her parents, but by a cousin who was very strict with her. My grandmother died young and so the children went to relatives. My mom was not allowed to read, except for the bible. She had to leave any schoolbooks at school and was not encouraged to learn or study. Eventually she figured out how to sneak books home and after everyone was asleep she would take a lamp and crawl under her bed so no one would see the light. The she would read until dawn. This was one of her greatest joys as a child and it fueled her love of all things Victorian and gothic romantic, mystery. She shared this with me as I got older and I too became a fan.

She learned at a young age the secret of a book. You can go anywhere and do anything in a book. You can also give yourself a lifelong education and keep a reference library for things like natural healing and herbs.

There seems to be a distinct lack of interest in reading these days. There are too many tv and computer screens and various other gadgets that take up time and thought. But being able to read well is essential to having a fulfilling and interesting life.

There are many ways to incorporate reading into daily life. Here are a few ideas.

1.Read every night in bed before going to sleep.

2.Read out loud to your children every night before bed.

3.Turn off the tv and read books. Limit computer and tv time to a couple hours a day.

4.Join the library summer reading program.

5.Make weekly trips to the library for books.

6.Home school your children and choose what you want them to read.

7.Watch a movie, then read the book and discuss it.

Reading

1.Start a local neighborhood lending library.

2.Start a local book club at your house.

3.Dedicate one room in your house that you rarely use like the attic, to becoming a library and fill it with interesting books from freecyle, yard sales and library book sales.

4.During holidays read out loud and share holiday stories make it a daily part of the annual tradition or sit in groups around a fake fireplace and sip hot chocolate or cider.

5.Pick seasonal themes and get books on that subject from the library. For example in spring study butterflies and flowers. The internet is full of home study programs. Stick with something simple.

6.Then take a picnic field trip and study those butterflies.

7.Make books the gift of choice for special occasions like birthday.

Start book traditions with your children.

1.Every evening in December read a Christmas storybook aloud.

2.Wrap up books for advent celebration gifts.

3.Give books for Easter.

4.Join a child’s book club so new books come in the mail. Dolly Parton has a free book club for small children

5.Have a quiet reading time every evening before bed.

6.Read children’s mysteries and make them into a play to act out on a home made stage.

Living tree essay

I struggle with both of these issues in my everyday life because I am a vegan living in a community of meat eaters. By simple observation of those around me, including my family, it is obvious that a meat eating lifestyle is unhealthy, although it's not just the meat but the other processed unhealthy foods that are being consumed in large quantities. I am now 52 years old and the only family member without a serious health issue. My parents, my brother, my aunts and uncles all died at very young ages of heart disease and cancer. We were raised on a diet of meat and baked goods made with animal fat, and large quantities of dairy products. In the community I live in here in Tennesse almost every single person is overweight. It has become the normal way of life here which is a frightening fact. If you walk through the local grocery stores and peek in the carts in the checkout line it is obvious that the culprit is meat, dairy, and large amounts of processed foods. Fresh fruits and vegetables are not even a consideration for most people.

Something else that I have observed is a lack of connection to the food, even to the point of being unable to taste the food. There is no thought of where the food comes from, or even what's in it. I rarely see anyone reading a food label. Food has become an almost chemical pill. Something that gives you a temporary high like large amounts of sugar might. It is no longer a living thing that is there to nourish your body. There is no connection in a spiritual or holy sense to the plants of animals. There is no understanding that the food enters your body and penetrates and nourishes every cell. It is just something you put in your mouth and swallow.

I think this connection develops out of a relationship with nature. It was cultivated in me when I became a gardener and understood the miracle of plants and how they grow. When you develop this connection you understand your sacredness as a human being and your relationship to the rest of the earth, and the desire to eat other living creatures and processed foods goes away. The taste of the wholesome foods and the satisfaction of eating a slow, nourishing meal sustains you in ways that other foods cannot.

In that way eating becomes a spiritual experience that flows into the rest of your life and heals your body like no medicine can. I would say that in many food trials this would be a missing link that would account for the lack of improvement in individuals switching to a vegan diet for if their mind isn't changed along with their diet, they will not improve.

Eating needs to be relearned by the majority of the American population, and what I am trying to understand now is how to accomplish such an enormous task.

Thank you for reading my essay,

Susan Kissinger

Changing Expectations

Today I’m going to suggest a small change in mindset that could change your life.

I won’t keep you in suspense. Here it is: think of nothing that happens as either good or bad. Stop judging, and stop expecting.

It’s a tiny change — all you have to do is say, ‘That wasn’t good or bad, it just happened, it just is.’ It’s tiny, but it takes practice, and amazingly, it can knock you on your ass.

Why? Because with this little change, you will no longer be swayed up and down depending on whether good things or bad things happen to you, whether people (and their actions) are good or bad. You will learn to accept things as they are, and move within that landscape mindfully.

You will no longer expect good things to happen (or bad things), but will just take things as they come, and be content with whatever comes. This means you’ll no longer be disappointed, or unhappy.

“When people see some things as beautiful,

other things become ugly.

When people see some things as good,

other things become bad.”

~Lao Tzu

A Little Exercise

Think of something good that happened to you recently, and how it affected your mindset. Now think of something bad that happened, and what that did to your mindset.

Now imagine that neither event was good, and neither was bad. They simply happened, existed.

How does that change how you would have felt as a result of those events? How does it change your happiness, your mood? How does it change what you do in reaction?

When you stop judging things as good or bad, you are no longer

Nothing is good or bad

Hamlet said, ‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’

He was right. Without the human mind, things just happen, and they are not good or bad. It’s only when we apply the filter of our judgment that they become good or bad, beautiful or ugly.

A weed is only a weed when we don’t like it. Children are only naughty if we don’t like their actions. Life only sucks if you judge it as bad.

But what about truly horrible tragedies, like a plague or tsunami or the Holocaust? Surely those are bad? Sure, through the lens of the judgment we’ve been raised to make, they are terrible. But then again, remove the judgment, and then … they simply happened. Death and cruelty will probably always make us sad, but they’ve always happened and always will, whether we like them or hate them.

Holocaust survivor and author Victor Frankl wrote of a rich woman who went through the Holocaust, and who was grateful for the experience, as much as she suffered, because it opened her eyes. It transformed her. I’m not saying the Holocaust was good, but perhaps we can say that it happened. It serves as a lesson — one we should heed, by the way, in these days of politically charged hatred, of blaming our ills on immigrants and minorities.

There are other tragedies that happen that aren’t necessarily bad. They’re devastating losses, without a doubt, but in life there are always losses, and people will always die. It’s how we judge them that determines our reaction, and determines whether we’re capable of dealing with it sanely.

Great Expectations

The second half of this change is just as small, but just as important: dropping expectations. Not lowering expectations, but eliminating them.

Think about it: when we have expectations, and things don’t go the way we expect (which happens quite often, as we’re not good prognosticators), we are disappointed, frustrated. It’s our expectations that force us to judge whether something is good or bad.

When you expect something of a friend, co-worker, family member, spouse, and they don’t live up to that expectation, then you are upset with them, or disappointed. It causes anger. But what if you had no expectations — then their actions would be neither good nor bad, just actions. You could accept them without frustration, anger, sadness.

What if you went on vacation, to a place you had high expectations of, and it wasn’t what you thought it’d be? You’d be bitterly disappointed, even though it’s not the fault of that place — that’s just how the place is. It’s your expectations that are at fault.

When people disappoint you, it’s not their fault. They’re just being who they are. Your expectations are at fault.

The Why

But why make this change? Why should we stop judging? Why should we stop expecting?

Because judgments stop us from understanding, and can ruin our happiness. When we judge, we don’t seek to understand — we’ve already come to a conclusion. If we stop judging, we allow ourselves to try to understand, and then we can take a much smarter course of action, because we’re better informed by our understanding.

Judging makes us unhappy. So do expectations.

When we leave judgment behind, we can live in the moment, taking what comes as neither good or bad, but simply what is. We can stop ruining our happiness with our thinking, and start living instead.

The How

So how do we start doing this? In small steps, as always.

1 First, start by being more aware. Throughout the course of the day today, note when you make judgments, note when you have expectations, and when things don’t live up to them. Over time, you’ll notice this more and more, and be much more conscious of these types of thoughts.

2 Next, pause each time you notice a judgment or expectation. Take a breath. Then tell yourself, “No expectations, no good or bad.” Repeat this, letting go of the judgment or expectation.

3 Third, seek to see things as they are, and to understand. Be curious as to why things are the way they are, why people act the way they act. Investigate, empathize, try to put yourself in people’s shoes. See the landscape of your life as it actually is, without the filter of judgments or expectations.

4 Next, take what comes. Experience it, in the moment. React appropriately, without overreacting because it isn’t as you hoped or wanted. You can’t

control life, or others, but you can control how you react.

5 Then, accept. When things happen, understand why they do, without judgment, and accept them as they are. Accept people for who they are. Accept yourself, without judgment, as you are. This takes practice.

6 Finally, know that the present moment, being as it is, also contains infinite possibilities. And those possibilities are opened up once you see things as they are, without judgment or expectations.

—

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This is another poem by Susan

When the golden sun is setting
And your hair is silver gray
May you be the same sweet lady
As you are a girl today
There’s a pretty little flower
In sky blue, pink, and white
That sparkles in the sunshine
And goes  to sleep at night
Tis a token of remembrance
And a pretty name it’s got
Would you know it if I told you
Tis the sweet forget-me-not
The ring is round
It has no end
So should be the love
Of friend to friend

How to stay young

It has been one year since Susan's death, and so I would like to post something that Susan wrote.  Some of these statements are probably not Susan's, I don't know which ones.  I'm going to take this day to reflect on the positive memories and the good times we had.

How to stay young

Keep only cheerful friends
Keep learning
Enjoy simple things
Laugh often, long, and loud
Tears happen.  Endure, grieve, and move on.
Be ALIVE while you are alive
Surround yourself with what you love
Cherish your health
Don’t take guilt trips
Tell the people you love that you love them
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Susan and I used to travel to different places.  She loved to take photos of nature.  Here are some photos of a trip to Elmira,  and Ithica N.Y.

Hello everyone I hope you're staying cool during this hot summer.  After countless hours of work to promote Susan's book, I decided to take a break.  One of the things I did before my break was publish it on a website called Smashwords.  This is my favorite book self publishing website.  Below is the link to Susan's profile and book.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ForSusan

Let me know if you have any trouble opening the link.